My dear friends – I’ve been getting a lot of questions over the last few days about specific relationship challenges. These tend to be common issues, so I thought to share them with you. I hope reading these help you, as well.
Margaret (not her real name) is concerned that her guy’s ex is still in the picture. This is what I had to say.
“His ex follows him on Insta, Snapchat, and I’ve seen her message him on WhatsApp. I ask if anything’s going on with his ex and he responds, ‘No baby, I’m not seeing her, nothing’s going on.’ I’m worried that I’m just a temporary replacement. What should I do?”
Hi Margaret, how frustrating! I would suggest having a beautifully vulnerable conversation together. Something like,
“Jeremy – I love us. What we have is so incredibly special. I feel embarrassed to admit it, but it makes me feel uncomfortable that your ex still follows you on social media. It’s not your fault – I can imagine how difficult it must be. What can we do to resolve this feeling I have?”
Men generally want to be trustworthy (and trusted). The words above are highly charged – they show vulnerability, they tell him that it’s not his fault (a guilt that many men feel), that you side with him (I imagine), and that you as a team can figure out a solution together. Even if you can’t find a good answer, you’ve opened the conversation in a way that he can understand.
Joanie (not her real name) wants to know how to give space to her guy while remaining relevant. This is what I had to say.
“How do I give a guy space, while he is going through an adjustment in his life, but still stay relevant so he asks me out again?”
Hi Joanie, I know how difficult this can be. When times are tough, men (and all people, really) appreciate a positive, present-in-the-moment person who can be a source of joy and support.
Are you able to meet up with him? Send a quick text such as, “Hey you – I found an awesome little pub with our names on it. Grab a quick one with me?” He will appreciate the casualness of it, and I’m sure he could use the diversion.
Keep things present, in the moment, fun, and casual. When you see him, you can express your interests in having a relationship without pressure such as, “Paul, I really enjoy this. Next time it’s your turn to pick a spot.”
Men, even in the most loving of situations, tend to ebb and flow with attention. Trust that you’re always loved, unconditionally, from within – it will help you find that place of relaxed confidence within yourself, that everything will work out positively, with or without him.
Sharon (not her real name) has a hot-and-cold man. This is what I had to say.
“For over three months, this wonderful guy and I have been texting, calling, and seeing each other every weekend. Now, suddenly, he’s pulling away. I don’t understand – I wasn’t looking for anything, and he pursues me. Now he says he can’t give me what I deserve, but I’m not asking for anything? I just want what we’ve had these last months.”
Hi Sharon, aren’t men funny! They pursue us until they feel they have us – we go into detail in how to overcome these obstacles in our courses (The Superman Switch and 21 Texts).
Basically, men are attracted to casual, relaxed, fun women who keep them guessing. I suggest if he texts you, or if you text him, keep it light and funny. Steer it towards an activity where you can see each other. He’ll find that you’re happy to just be in the moment, no pressure, and that’s highly attractive (and motivation for him to pursue you).
If you too feel one-on-one coaching would help you address your unique challenges, please click the link here: https://go.blissdarling.com/direct-relationship-breakthrough-coaching
I’d love to help. ♥️